Thankful.

¡Hola!

As this is my first post, I would very much like to have a bright and positive start! Fancy enough to start off with a spanish greeting? haha x

So as you can see, the subject is Thankful. 

There are just way too many things and people that I am more than thankful to have in my life, I feel like being thankful is one of the most important things, once you have learnt to appreciate, you will then be able to enjoy your life to bits!

I can't thank my family enough for everything. Everything they have done for me, the love they have spread to me, the infinite support and the shelter that they have given me, great enough to let me grow up and become the present me. 

Well, I must admit that I didn't have the best childhood, I grew up under my very strict daddy, my very busy mum, my naughty brother and my lovely maids. I used to be a very organised, obedient and well-behaved child (not saying that I'm not anymore haha), because my daddy used to be very strict and serious. My brother and I often get punished (eg hitting with a stick), and trust me, it hurts a lot. Sometimes I am afraid to go to school because of the scars on my hands and legs. My mum was a very busy woman, basically I only got to see her once a day, I didn't usually get a chance to see her in the morning as she should be sleeping when we went to school, unless she's disturbed by our noise. At night, we would have dinner together and that one hour free time after it, I would be talking non-stop to her about literally everything, then we had to go to bed.

I was quite an attention seeker, once I pretended to have a fever so I hit my head to every possible object so that my forehead is warm, and ended up getting bruises. I also remember that, I have always wanted my parents to drop me off or pick me up from school like every other child, but as I remember, it never happened... On every occasion, like graduation ceremony, parents day, prom or my performances, my parents either don't come or come for a very short period of time. These things upset me a lot, and it still does. I spent most of the times with my maids, they taught me how to draw, they comfort me when I was down, they teach me things like chores (-.-), cooking and languages. 

I have always loved my brother, we have that connection which we don't have to talk in order to understand each other. I know he is always there for me and I am as well. Although we don't usually have deep conversations, we constantly remind each other that we actually care and love a lot. I don't judge my brother for what he has got himself into and things he has done, because I understand him and I always wish and believe that one day, he will shine so bright and prove everyone that he is good enough.

At the end of my primary school life and the beginning of my secondary school life, my parents had lots of argument (nightmare...) and then they decided to divorce. That was one of the worst thing that happened in my life, looking back, those days terrified me and everything's changed ever since. I have hated my life so much, and I hated my family as a whole. At that t time I just didn't want to go home at all, once I have got home, I would go straight into my room and not going out except for that 5 mins dinner or to the bathroom, all I wanted was to stay with my friends. That lasted for more or less 3 years, I barely talked to my mum, I didn't know what was 'happiness', I didn't know what to do with life anymore...

After I have finished Secondary 4, I decided to go abroad, just to get rid of this place and everything... 

The first 3 months in England, I was truly a happy bird, I loved everything, I thought everything was perfect for me and I was even planning to spend the rest of my life here. During Christmas I went home, which I didn't want to, to spend one month there. I spent most of it with my family (mum, brother, grandparents and cousins), it was the best christmas in my life I have to say. I got so much better connections with my cousins, I realised how much they care for me and so on.

After I went back to England, school just got more serious regarding to workload, people, and I started to feel home-sick. For a period of time, I was completely lost with life, my immune system was affected either, I hated being sick all the time and I didn't know what was going on. I was sent back home for medical reason, I stayed 2 months there. No one knows what exactly happened until now. After this 'holiday', my life has completely changed, I have finally tried to open my heart to people, I have learnt to accept things and feel the love around me.

I started to realise the importance of family, the little things that they do make me feel very very happy and touched. I have realised that the people who will never leave you and love you no matter what, is your family. The pure love, with no drama, no masks, no confusion. I was stuck in between at that time, I wanted to go back but I didn't want, I have cried for nights, but what kept me going was that, I know I have to do something in return and the best thing I could do is to make them proud. I have to get into my ideal university and reward them with pride. I love my family a lot now. ♡