Done

Don't play tough, don't play rough
Days and nights thinking 'bout the crust
Likely or to be precisely, nothing's not going nuts
'Um scared, very scared, scared to be broken scared to be loved.

Now I am stepping back,
wishing for something never been wished
chilling with the paperback,
with the sea breeze and your odour to be missed

All those Questions all those Lies
Fishing for the perfect time.
To be done, To be over, To be tied.
The woman is the biggest lie.

I am asking myself,
if the pride comes back to myself...
for all those doubts that I kept within myself
And now everything is against myself

To be fooled or not to be fooled.
By the sweetest words from you.
And now I have overcome the fool.
To be bulletproof, to be very bulletproof.

If having the chance to be held again,
I will have enough feelings, to conquer the selfishness
the kisses and the touch, to be rough
never to have that one little minute, little stare.

You will not notice why
I have been so tired, to escape to disappear
to lose connection to clear my mind.
The inside of me cries, as you are there high.

This is more than enough
enough to be in touch
if I have ever crossed your mind
Please, don't remember I was blind enough.

HONG KONG

Hellooooooo :D xxx

Yes I am back in hong kong for summer, despite the fact that I am not enjoying as much!
However, I can try and list out the good side of being here;
Seeing all my lovely friends and cousins, my family, new flat and all my belongings haha Also I get to sleep in a proper bed with my dogs and teddy bears! I get to hang out and go shopping, my mom planned to put me in some dance classes as well! Since I told her briefly about my experience in Oxford University Dancesport, therefore she wants me to train well this summer. I am convincing her to get me a ballroom dress too! *fingers crossed* haha xxxx

These days have been boring because every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I have this summer job, and it is BORING! I do not like it at all but I have to continue because my mom says so. B O O.

*FYI* Here is a piece of not-so-good news, for both me and maybe you, I have been receiving too many complains slash judgements saying that I have gained too much weight again, well it actually happens everytime I come back home, so I have come up with a 'solution' is that I started taking diet pills. Yup. These pills will make me not wanting to eat, I want to vomit 24/7 and it tortures human, I am not joking. They can guarantee you to lose at least 5kg a month or something, I am recommended by my brother's girlfriend, she lost 16 lbs in one month which is insane. They don't cost so much, approximately £30 a month, and you have to take it everyday.  

Talking about eating or whatsoever, I had this urge to bake ever since last century when I was back in Oxford already, and with the advantage of being in a new home (we moved), I decided to cook a random meal! I went for a 'little' grocery shopping with my maid and spent £70! Thats too crazy Hong Kong, I thought it was cheaper than england... We do not even have VAT here.
Anyway, I have made some banana bread, carbonara and stuffed potato, they all tasted delicious, I am not saying it because I made them, they really were delicious hahaha x

Tonight my cousin is sleeping over (she already did on my first night here), so my brother, cousin and I are planning to order pizza and it will be amazing! Mom is at work as usual and she has a conference tonight I guess, so my cousin and I will probably have a karaoke session at home and go crazy hahaha 

Tomorrow I am hoping to be able to skip work, because I really do not want to go, like that area will become my most hated place soon. I don't want to complain but it really is boring and completely not anything I am interested in. The boss of the company is my mom's good friend and they are working partners, he called my mom today and said I worked really well and very efficient, I am hoping that would not be the reason why they would like to keep me longer.

Let's not talk about work, I am starving and I miss all my best friends so much... I talk to them almost everyday because we (our generation) cannot live without our phones/social networking platform hahaha 

This is a quick update, I know I haven't been doing it lately ALEX :) Love you xxxxxx

Crazy

Indeed, these few days have been very crazy and I have no idea how much crazier things could be.

Crazy in terms of happy crazy times/ sad crazy times/ frustrating crazy times...

Things have been so good for a few days, and went totally opposite for the next couple of days, I have no idea what to decide and it is just 5 days till I will go home. I suppose having a vacation will be good enough to settle things down and make up my mind! "We accept the love we think we deserve."

Also I have been telling myself to just let things be, do not go mad too easily and it is better to not overthink or care too much because at the end of the day "if it's meant to be, it will be."

So yeah :) 

Yesterday I went to University of Brighton and Sussex, today I went to Bournemouth and Southampton University. I didn't really like any of them but if I have to pick one I would pick Southampton, I am very nervous and worried about which University am I going to go to or apply to, and thinking about the possibilities is even worse. 

People always say that we should do what we want, but human wants are unlimited...

Okay I am too tired to continue with this post, I will update soon! xxx

The roller coaster

Hola lovelies xx

Yes it has been half a month since I last updated, I have been super lazy and busy because of exams which just finished on friday. So now I am spending this tiny slot to update a little bit :)

Dance has been very good, I had fun every lesson. I started to go to the practice hall as well (it is only for competitors), it is such a good time to practice anything you want. Basically you just go there and the whole venue is for OUDC, there is music (always ballroom ... boo) and you just dance whatever you want for hours! I stopped going to latin medal classes because it is a little bit boring for me and I am lack of cash hahaha This problem has been bothering me because I use only cards here, plus the problem with my bank card is that they have a new rule for overseas account and everything is just a mess, in short I cannot take any cash out. I thought I only needed cash for laundry and taxis but...

OH! It is 11 days from now then I am going home! I am confused if it is really a happy thing for me because I found out that most of the people (from dance) are not going home for summer, and they will have small competitions during it, therefore I am going to miss all of them! 

On the other hand, I am quite looking forward to going home, I am going to meet all my friends and relatives, it will be great! I am invited to go to some parties, a wedding, a summer internship and I will be visiting somewhere in Asia, not sure where yet. Also! I am going to live in a new house when I go back, this is so exciting because I am going to design everything! hahaha ouuuuu

As I said, I have finished my internal exams this friday, it has driven me crazy, no kidding. No matter how much I study, I just felt like I am an idiot. And I stayed up until 4am in the hallway studying, that was painful. I wasn't rushing at the last minute though, I have been catching up for one month (0 social life), and it still went bad... I will be getting thee papers on monday, I am very not looking forward to :)

In terms of interpersonal relationship, I have been numb since long ago. I don't care so much about dramas among people, I no longer think that it should matter to me if someone is being the drama queen. And they claim that they just don't mind to involve with the dramas between their friends, basically they don't think there is any problem. Good luck then x

Today I am going to the AGM of OUDC and also a dinner :) toddles x

Cutest

¡HOLA! It's been a while since my last update I know *sad duck face* because there are too many things going on, which have driven me crazy. 

I have to question myself for a billion times, why did I choose to do the IB... It's just the beginning of the madness and we all are feeling tired already. Top that, I have to question myself why did I choose such difficult subject to do my EE and a difficult topic with the strictest teacher at school... el-oh-el 

Oh well, I should stop whining and get things done I know, because I made these choices for my own good and I have to make it happen. 

As I said, there are too many things going on, of course that includes good ones and bad ones. Which to start first... good? bad? ok since I mentioned good first so yeah (I am quite lame)

DANCE! Yes I have been amazingly happy because of dance! I have started ballet a couple weeks ago, and it went pretty good but I have to admit that even though I am a ballet addict, not having to talent is just that thing in between which makes you don't enjoy as much. It did make me happy and get my mind off school work but, the thing that made me happiest these days is latin and ballroom dancing! I have joined the Oxford University Dancesport Club one week ago, and it went AWESOME! Feel the passion there? haha 

When I first went there, I was super nervous outside the dance room because I have stopped for quite a while and things like that. However when I was warming up before class, it was the feeling that I have lost for years, I loved it so much. It might sound dramatic but I am not joking at all, you just feel happy from the inside, and your feet and body feel so 'dancy'! And during the class, we did some jive and rumba (silver and gold level), the coach was so nice to me and he is quite funny. Except for the fact that I had to run back to residence because of curfew haha

That's the latin part, and yesterday I went for ballroom! Same as usual, I felt extra nervous outside the dance room, and since it was the head-coach teaching us, I had super weird feelings. Ok when I got to know that we were doing foxtrot... I cried inside! I have never learnt that, like never! Plus I had to dance with the teacher, perfecto! Whoop! It wasn't that bad actually, I managed to learn the whole routine (not perfectly) haha I had to go after Silver class because firstly I had no cash, secondly I have curfew, thirdly I have homework. And they were doing tango for Gold, which is my favourite for ballroom! boo. 

Ok these things might not sound as exciting or amazing to you, yes because there were actually some highlights, which made me a happy bird! hehe (but that's too personal to share :p)

Let's put the dancy part aside haha dancy what a word.

So, this is one of me and my best friend's favourite restaurants in Oxford, the noodle bar which is a hong kong restaurant. We used to go there everyday after school, but since she is very busy with her boyfriend now so we don't go there anymore! hahahaha 

This is actually coffee sugar as you know the brand illy, I found it quite cute so I took a picture of it while I was in a cafe waiting for my food. I feel like people doubt my attempt to try to be more positive, as my business teacher said to me that "you should have more faith in yourself" and a guy from my dance class said "you just have to be more confident, you are better than you think", these two sentences confused me a lot. I don't know what are they supposed to mean, and I barely know the guy from my dance class, it was the second time we dance when he said that... Is it really that obvious that I am not very positive and have low self-esteem... 

I am trying to be more positive for my own good and that's all, I don't care when suddenly my friends say "why are you suddenly so negative again?". It's not your business and I can be sad sometimes, if one is happy 24/7 then you should be worried. 

Alright, so this is moo-moo's probably the best milkshakes in england? or just Oxford el-oh-el

I went there three times this week, or last week I don't remember, my brain is not working... I had nutella and banana, peanut butter and banana, and nutella and banana for the last time as well. They are so good that you can never resist if you go to city centre! 

SEEYALL.

Best day!

Hello everybody!

As you can see, yes I had the best day ever! Firstly, today is my brother's birthday, which I am very happy about because he is my lovely brother? haha duh. Secondly, I have given my EE introduction to my supervisor which I though I did a terrible job, but she said it was good! That really surprised me and it is a motivation for me to rock the rest of it, but I know getting a 'good' from the strictest teacher in my school doesn't mean I am the best, I mean I could have done even better... oh well
Lastly, which is the best thing really, is that I have gone to have dance classes in the OUDC (which stands for Oxford University Dancesport Club), all I can say now is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I loved the two classes, which are silver and gold, so so much and I will definitely go there more often! 

I had a really long day (school+ballet+latin dance), even though I am a little bit tired, I still want to update my blog because I am SO happy and excited!! I believe in "rainbow always come after the rain" because yesterday I had a really bad day (that's why I didn't update), but dayum! look at what happened today!? ღ

Okay! Apart from that, I actually had a really nice lunch period with my lovelies, we had this geeky philosophy discussion which I enjoyed a lot. Also, I had a good time in literature class haha I finally loved the novella we are reading after ages! (didn't like the previous ones at all) Lastly, we had this asian education discussion in Spanish class as well, which we got all hyper because of that el-oh-el
Oh! Yeah I overslept today for 10 minutes so I didn't have breakfast boo 3: And I was sleeping during maths and break time, have no clue why was I so tired.
However, I managed to walk in the rain for 45 minutes after ballet, still have no idea why haha xx

So that's basically it! :) I had a lovely day y tu? 

♡ Love life! ♡

♡ Enjoy life to bits! ♡

♡    Don't stop believing!    ♡

♡ Do whatever makes you happy! ♡

Principles.

In my opinion, having your own principles is very important in life. Whether to remind yourself of what or how should things to be done, what to achieve or aim for, and to define yourself. However, having principles will not necessarily guarantee success, but if you do not have a firm and stable foundation to your principles, you will never have success in a long run.

Does not mean that I have to write down a list of my principles and hang it on the wall of my room, it is in your head, in your personality, and it happens naturally. Sometimes people say that holding your principles too hard will make you stubborn instead, I agree to a small extent. 

Some think that doing whatever make them happy is the priority, some think that spreading happiness is the key, or some think that they have to make everyone around them happy in order to be happy. IT'S OKAY! There is no boundary or rules, just follow your dreams~

For instance, I have this principle to myself since secondary school because things get more complicated, more dramas, more stupid things happen, unlike being a kid and nothing really worries you, which is to never change myself for the whole world, I wouldn't want to. I will never fit in because I was not meant to (inspired by Cher), to be specific I would never try to copy someone's style of living, fashion nor actions. I don't really hold this principle so hard as in I don't constantly tell people around me that, and then losers stepped in and be ridiculous. HA! 

I reckon that sticking to your principles makes life easier and hey it's your life, what else could you possibly stick to. el-oh-el x

I choose my own path, live my own way and take my own style. 
Principles also define your own self (personality), what you choose to do (to someone) reflects what are you (to someone)! Good luck~

Glitters

This is sort of a Thankful part two x 

I named it Glitters because I feel like the people I am going to mention below are like glitters, they have made my life a little bit better, a little bit more special, a little bit more sparkly.

Blair, who is my cousin slash best friend slash sister slash soulmate, I love her so much. We didn't have so many good memories when we were little, but we started to bond a lot since secondary school more or less, and built that connection since then. I never knew she would mean so much to me, I have completely no clue what I would be like without her. She is always there for me, to listen to me, give me the courage to do things that I thought it was impossible, to support me and so on. 
We argue at times, we get grumpy, we have mood-wings, but we never stay mad at each other haha x I appreciate every single thing she did for me, so much.
Words cannot entirely express how much I love you and I just want to tell you that,
You know I am always there for you, even though we are 6,000 miles away, we are under the same sky and just a phone call away. 

Then I would like to mention my little cousins, who I adore a lot. They are so much younger than me, but what they do make me the happiest I have ever been. You can never underestimate things, and I also never knew that they would mean so much to me too. They try to do everything to make me happy and I will as well do whatever possible to make them happy. 
One time, when I was watching TV and chilling in my room (at my grandparents' which is also where they live), one of them came in and turned on the light, I looked at him and he said "It's getting dark now and it's not good for your eyes to watch TV like that." I was so surprised and touched at the same time by what he said... Would you expect a 8-year-old child to think of that while he was actually doing homework. That was one of the sweetest thing I swear. Love them!

Now it might get a little bit awkward...
Yeah, Elaine, who used to be my best friend for life, I love her so much and miss her so much it hurts. I have to admit that I might not be the sweetest person, the nicest friend or the most supportive friend to you sometimes, but I care and love you a lot more than you could imagine. We used to be so so close, we know each other so well and we have so much in common, I am so thankful for having you in my life really. It has been more than one month now and everyday when I come across your updates on instagram or Facebook, it just upsets me a lot... knowing that our situation can't be any worse...
*Sigh*

привет Miss Aleksandra hahaha
My babe :) I think I have made a wise choice back in September(we started talking), I have met the sweetest and greatest friend! I have said way too many times, but really I am more than thankful to have her in my life. She has been supporting me a lot and I can't ever thank her enough! We had some problems before, but I do believe that that made our friendship even stronger. Thank you for being there when I needed you, when I was in the dark and also when I was a happy/excited bird! We often tease each other, be mean to each other or even insult each other, not because of anything but because we are close enough! 
We have promised to not leave each other ever again, I mean duh OF COURSE hahahaha
Can't wait to spend more and more time with you darling, create memories and enjoy life!

Destiny, who is my super lovely best friend. I love her to infinite and beyond *inside joke much* hahaha I used to feel super uncomfortable, scared and insecure around her, but BAAM look where are we now! She will never judge me for who I am, and often make me so happy effortlessly. You mean so much to me and I always want you to be happy, with life and everything else. xx

Liv is also my best friend, who means a lot to me. I love her so much for always being by my side, during the times I had problems all the way till I have decided to come back. Also one of those people who I click very well with here. We don't hangout or talk so often but I would say she is that kind of person who make you feel comfortable and better when you open your heart or share problems. :*

There are just too many people I have to be thankful for having in my life, no matter my friends who make me happy, haters who make me stronger, enemies who make me wiser or people who taught me lessons, so I know what to focus more on in my life instead. 

Don't forget about the things that don't cost anything, have friends around you to keep you happy. -Cher Lloyd

Thankful.

¡Hola!

As this is my first post, I would very much like to have a bright and positive start! Fancy enough to start off with a spanish greeting? haha x

So as you can see, the subject is Thankful. 

There are just way too many things and people that I am more than thankful to have in my life, I feel like being thankful is one of the most important things, once you have learnt to appreciate, you will then be able to enjoy your life to bits!

I can't thank my family enough for everything. Everything they have done for me, the love they have spread to me, the infinite support and the shelter that they have given me, great enough to let me grow up and become the present me. 

Well, I must admit that I didn't have the best childhood, I grew up under my very strict daddy, my very busy mum, my naughty brother and my lovely maids. I used to be a very organised, obedient and well-behaved child (not saying that I'm not anymore haha), because my daddy used to be very strict and serious. My brother and I often get punished (eg hitting with a stick), and trust me, it hurts a lot. Sometimes I am afraid to go to school because of the scars on my hands and legs. My mum was a very busy woman, basically I only got to see her once a day, I didn't usually get a chance to see her in the morning as she should be sleeping when we went to school, unless she's disturbed by our noise. At night, we would have dinner together and that one hour free time after it, I would be talking non-stop to her about literally everything, then we had to go to bed.

I was quite an attention seeker, once I pretended to have a fever so I hit my head to every possible object so that my forehead is warm, and ended up getting bruises. I also remember that, I have always wanted my parents to drop me off or pick me up from school like every other child, but as I remember, it never happened... On every occasion, like graduation ceremony, parents day, prom or my performances, my parents either don't come or come for a very short period of time. These things upset me a lot, and it still does. I spent most of the times with my maids, they taught me how to draw, they comfort me when I was down, they teach me things like chores (-.-), cooking and languages. 

I have always loved my brother, we have that connection which we don't have to talk in order to understand each other. I know he is always there for me and I am as well. Although we don't usually have deep conversations, we constantly remind each other that we actually care and love a lot. I don't judge my brother for what he has got himself into and things he has done, because I understand him and I always wish and believe that one day, he will shine so bright and prove everyone that he is good enough.

At the end of my primary school life and the beginning of my secondary school life, my parents had lots of argument (nightmare...) and then they decided to divorce. That was one of the worst thing that happened in my life, looking back, those days terrified me and everything's changed ever since. I have hated my life so much, and I hated my family as a whole. At that t time I just didn't want to go home at all, once I have got home, I would go straight into my room and not going out except for that 5 mins dinner or to the bathroom, all I wanted was to stay with my friends. That lasted for more or less 3 years, I barely talked to my mum, I didn't know what was 'happiness', I didn't know what to do with life anymore...

After I have finished Secondary 4, I decided to go abroad, just to get rid of this place and everything... 

The first 3 months in England, I was truly a happy bird, I loved everything, I thought everything was perfect for me and I was even planning to spend the rest of my life here. During Christmas I went home, which I didn't want to, to spend one month there. I spent most of it with my family (mum, brother, grandparents and cousins), it was the best christmas in my life I have to say. I got so much better connections with my cousins, I realised how much they care for me and so on.

After I went back to England, school just got more serious regarding to workload, people, and I started to feel home-sick. For a period of time, I was completely lost with life, my immune system was affected either, I hated being sick all the time and I didn't know what was going on. I was sent back home for medical reason, I stayed 2 months there. No one knows what exactly happened until now. After this 'holiday', my life has completely changed, I have finally tried to open my heart to people, I have learnt to accept things and feel the love around me.

I started to realise the importance of family, the little things that they do make me feel very very happy and touched. I have realised that the people who will never leave you and love you no matter what, is your family. The pure love, with no drama, no masks, no confusion. I was stuck in between at that time, I wanted to go back but I didn't want, I have cried for nights, but what kept me going was that, I know I have to do something in return and the best thing I could do is to make them proud. I have to get into my ideal university and reward them with pride. I love my family a lot now. ♡